Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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