btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
