While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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