apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize