So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
