You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
