I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
