just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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