you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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