My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
sarcasm needs its own font
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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