This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
