I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
