I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
