You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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