I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
