If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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