Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
