she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
