She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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