Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's never too late to be topless.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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