we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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