I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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