I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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