apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
