I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
