Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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