I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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