Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize