pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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