My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
