Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
