thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
