I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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