Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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