I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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