so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
