My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
