Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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