The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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