Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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