she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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