I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
