My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
