I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
