I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
