this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
