Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
