You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
