Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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