hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
