It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize