True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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