My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
