Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
