I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
as a side note pls kill me
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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