It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize