My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just found a bag of teeth...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
