Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
