im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Randomize
