just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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