Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
sex in a hospital.. check
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
