When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
