The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
