oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
