Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
