Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just want to make out with him forever
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
