Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize
