Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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