just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
