2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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