My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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