so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
