I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
