8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
