just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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