You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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