Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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