i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
