he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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