I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I cockslap morals
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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