woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Pants are for mortals
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize