if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
