I want to stick my p in your. b.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
