I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
