How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize