you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
