I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
