i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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