just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
