Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
