ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
