I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
