I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
