After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize