North Korea, Best Korea!
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
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