I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
