We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
